Do I Know You?

3 Feb

Do you look up to anyone?

Do you like someone so much people are saying your obsessed?

I thought I was lucky to be surrounded with people like that. You want them to notice you or want to be so much like them that you devote everything.

My experiences have twists. When you get to know someone really really well, things change. The obsessiveness and the and “worshipness” might fade away. I don’t know how that is possible. I’ve only seen it once and didn’t believe in it.

One minute, you’re completely in love with them, the real person’s spirit is revealed, and then….it just STOPS…just like that…..

You have to experience it to understand what i am talking about. I know that it sounds crazy………I was shocked… :O

I have liked a guy for a couple of years. He never really noticed anything. I tried to find out more about him…though….i wish i hadn’t……It was useless. I began to see him more and more each day. After a few days, i began to see his true self. How could i have been so blind?? How could i fall for a guy who was so conceited and obnoxious??

I felt pathetic and humiliated to see what my friends were seeing that I wasn’t. After that…..BOOM!  Do I Know You? You’re not the guy I liked.

Another horrendous time like this for me,  was with one of my closest friend. I literally “worshiped” her!!! She was soooooo great…………in my head. I would see her here and there and everything she did I would mimick her. I adored her clothes, her tastes, and her looks. I would say things she said, to sound like the friend I once loved.

What went wrong?? Once, we got closer and I got to know her more. I hated what I was seeing. My beautiful picture of her in mind was shattering, my dream of me being her was melting into nothing.

She turned out to be so rotten, conceited, and controlling. She was OK at times but never paid any attention that there was problems going on. I kept asking myself …….”Who is this??……..Is this my friend?? I sure hope not……”

I went CRAZY. I still don’t understand that issue. You might be saying… “She is just a complainer” or “She doesn’t know what crazy is.”

I would feel the same thing too if I were reading this….but honestly…I’m confused and helpless.

Everything I cared about, everything you wished to become…..has been replaced with disappointment. I feel humiliated and pathetic once again. I tried to be the complete opposite from friend from that moment on.  At points, I can’t help my self because I have been doing it for a while, it kind of stuck…..into habits.

That always makes me wonder…….Do I know my other friends??

I was so sad. I can’t just drop everything and go……but……everything I once felt…….has disappeared.

I don’t want it to come back, I don’t want those feelings ever again.

And most importantly…..I don’t want to ever ask that question once again…..



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